Breaking up with a friend
27 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
in All about me
It’s nearly done. I’ve moved all my stuff out the old flat, and I just need to go back and clean it and it’s all over.
The whole thing feels like a break up, all the stress, upset and sleepless nights. I’ve just had the worst 6 months ever, really been miserable. You’re not supposed to dread going home, but that’s exactly how I felt.
As I would walk up the stairs to my flat, all the feelings of calm that I’d tried to encourage would be replaced with anxiety and nerves. It was horrible.
I wasn’t sleeping well. Sleeping fitfully at night, that is once I’d managed to drift off at all. Being sleepy all day at work, but insomniac when bed time actually came.
I was on edge the whole time. I couldn’t relax, and I was utterly miserable. It was a new version of me, and not one I enjoyed. I was irritable, and the little things about everything annoyed me. I very nearly went to the doctors about it, and almost made the appointment so many mornings while standing waiting for my bus outside the surgery.
The one thing that stopped me was knowing that this was a finite thing. It would come to an end. There was a definite date, and I’d be away from there and able to start again afresh in happier surroundings.
I moved out on Monday night, and immediately I could feel myself relaxing. That night I had the best night sleep I’ve had in months. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I was finally able to let go. I’m not sure if it was a psychological thing, or if it was real, but either way I feel more like the real me than I have in months.
I’m on the road to recovery, and now I know the value of true friendships and the importance of happiness.
I am who I am
23 Aug 2010 1 Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: happiness, life, love
I was at a work conference this weekend, maybe about 100 people there, I knew roughly half of them. The majority of these were acquaintances that I see at these events, but some were former colleagues and some of them I’d known for over 5 years.
It was lovely to see them all, to catch up with them, hear their stories, and to have work chat with people who really understand.
What wasn’t so lovely was their questioning of me. The general “how are you?”, was followed by “so, what’s happening with your work?” (my work is currently restructuring and rumours are flying round the sector). And once I’d deflected that line of questioning as quickly as possible, the inevitable would be asked.
“How’s your love life?”, “Are you still single?”, “Any men on the go?”. Argh, it infuriates me. Is it so difficult to believe that I’m happy enough single, I manage perfectly well by myself and I don’t need a man by my side to make me happy.
It’s so frustrating! I have a good job, wonderful friends and I live a great life. Yet I’m still judged by whether or not I’m in a relationship.
My work sector is meant to be forward thinking and progressive, and yet I feel people forget it’s 2010, and do you know what, it’s ok, I choose to be single. Don’t pity me! I’m happy, successful and can make plans at the drop of a hat and be spontaneous. I can’t say the same for most of my coupled up friends.
Packing light
18 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: clothes, moving
I have a ridiculous amount of clothes. I was sorting through them last night while packing, I discovered that I had 9 pairs of jeans. Now, 9 pairs of jeans doesn’t sound too bad, but considering I never wear trousers it’s a bit excessive. I managed (by donating to friends and charity shops) to get that down to 3 pairs, which I guess is still silly since I’ve worn jeans exactly 7 times this year!
I couldn’t (and didn’t want to) count my dresses. They just kept coming out my wardrobe, one after another. I was far less ruthless with them. I wear a dress pretty much every single day, so I couldn’t bring myself to part with many – just the odd one or two that are too big for me now.
Hoodies, another item of which I have way too many. I think I probably have 15-20 of them. I know I’ll find it difficult to part with any, despite the fact I rarely wear them, with the whole not wearing trousers thing! They don’t go so well with dresses.
I’m dreading getting to my shoes. I halved my collection when I moved to Edinburgh last year, but I think I’m back up to about the same number again. Going through my shoe collection is something I need help with, otherwise I’ll never get rid of any.
I’ve also during this packing and clearing spell realised how many bags I have. I probably never need to buy another bag in my life, but I will….
I’m definitely not a girl who could have a capsule wardrobe! I’ve no idea if I’m going to be able to fit all my clothes in my new wee room. I’ll keep you posted.
The City of Lights
17 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
in Travel Tags: Eiffel Tower, Metro, Montparnasse, Notre Dame, Paris, Sacre Coeur, Travel
Ah Paris, how I love you so. I arrive and immediately feel welcomed. If ever there was going to be a foreign city that I might call home, you would be it.
From arriving and getting lost in the Gare du Nord (not a good moment, all laughable now though), to a homeless man jumping on my back to try piggy back through the barriers without paying (the less said about my resulting hysteria the better), to getting on a double decker train for just one stop to say we’d been on one, to squeezing through barriers at Charles de Gaulle airport to avoid buying another ticket (classy I know); I love the metro system. It’s just so much more efficient than our underground system.
Getting up in the morning and avoiding the usual low quality, high price hotel breakfasts by wandering across the street to our local patisserie and enjoying freshly made pastries for breakfast. Walking through the small streets frequented by locals not tourists to find the perfect place to buy and eat lunch. Finding our away to Montparnasse to the streets filled with creperies to take our pick of the family owned restaurants to have dinner. Paris, your food is amazing; I genuinely feel sorry for the tourists who eat in McDonalds , Subway and massively overpriced cafes in the tourist spots.
Strolling on a sunny day around the windy streets of Montmartre, exclaiming in delight as you spot one of the hidden artwork gems; be it a statue coming out a wall or randomly placed grafitti that makes you think, it really is a pleasure.
Walking the 5k from the Arc de Triomphe to the Louvre, not going in due to the crowds, but spending just as long admiring the Tuileries gardens and the Louvre building itself as you would have looking for the Mona Lisa.
The churches. Well, are there any words? Climbing to the top of the Dome at the Sacre Coeur and collapsing in a heap at the top while the view takes your breath away (or is it just the 300 spiral steps?). Looking out over the city, trying to work out what all the different spires and towers are. Lighting a candle to remember a loved one. Running past all the street sellers outside trying to draw your picture ot tie a bit of string around your wrist. Attending your first ever mass – in Notre Dame no less – and despite it being in French, finding it a really enjoyable experience. The churches, cathedrals and chapels are incredible to see, and a great place to find some peace in a busy, bustling city.
The tower. The Eiffel Tower. Possibly the most beautiful landmark I have ever seen. Yes, it’s just a mass of steel, but the feeling you get when you first see it is incredible, and that feeling has never left me even after countless visits to Paris. Sitting in the sunshine, reading a book, in the trocadero gardens, with your feet in the fountains, overlooking the Eiffel Tower. I honestly can’t think of a better way to spend a sunny Sunday afternoon.
Sitting on the banks of the Seine at night, looking up at the Tower waiting for the light show, it’s just amazing. Even more fun is to be up the Tower when the light show is on and to see all the people on the ground clapping and taking photos, makes you feel like a celebrity by association. No trip to Paris would be complete without spending time just looking at the Eiffel Tower. For me, she sums up all that Paris is: classic, timeless, and heart-breakingly beautiful.
Time line
04 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
When I was seven… My parents had split up, my mum and I were living with my grandparents, and I only now realise how lucky I was to have such a loving family. My favourite possesion was without a doubt my ghetto blaster.
When I was ten… I had acquired 3 step-brothers and was discovering how to deal with sibbling rivalry and banter. My favourite possesion was probably my tv, I spent a lot of time in my room watching friends and sabrina the teenage witch!
When I was thirteen… I was back living in my early childhood house. I’d made my first trip to Paris and fallen in love with the city. My favourite possesion was my radio. I listened to the local radio every night, and spent hours discussing the shows with my friends the next day.
When I was sixteen… I was sitting school exams and living a lovely life. I had a long term, long distance boyfriend who I saw once a fortnight and would go stay with during school holidays and long weekends. My favourite posession was my mobile phone.
When I was nineteen… I had moved to Glasgow, was living with the same boy I’d been with since I was fourteen. My life plan was degree, marriage, babies and becoming part of a large Italian family. My favourite possesions were my necklace and ring from the boy.
When I was twenty one… I was single and living the high life, out at gigs, sleeping late, and occasionally going to uni or occasionally jumping in the back of a transit van and being a roadie for the day with a random band. My favourite posession was my camera. I loved taking pictures, and documenting my life.
Now I am twenty four… I’m still single. I have a degree, and I have a wonderful job working with people I love. And I guess I’m still living the high life. Edinburgh has allowed me to find the real me, and I’m not ready to stop and settle down yet. My favourite possession now? It has to be my memories of the last 24 years, everything else can be replaced.
Things are looking up
04 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
I’m not going to lie, things have not been good lately. Nothing major, just lots of little things adding up to cause me unneccesary stress and grrr.
However, things are looking up. I’m in the process of moving house (though we all know how stressful that can be), my job is secure (and that can’t be said for all I work with) and I’m going to Paris on Friday.
Paris is my city of dreams. I absolutely love it, and I think this long weekend away is just what I need to clear my head, get rid of the bad stuff and move on with my life. I can not wait.
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